Missing you

I’m missing you. Like a lot. I’ve been thinking of you quite often and have finally decided to come here and put some words on paper (errr digital paper). A couple weekends ago, you were on my mind so much that I found myself sitting in front of your house. I know I know, I see the irony too. I cant remember a time that I ever just showed up at your house to hang out, yet now that you’re gone, there I was. I was okay, I wasn’t upset or crying. I was just reminiscing about you and telling Bax about you. I pulled away and when I passed the back side of your house, I realized….its not your house anymore. Someone else is living there. Then I lost it. How can someone else already be living there? Life goes on, people are doing their own thing, and so quickly someone is already living in what was your house. I went to wipe my tears on my shirt, and felt the tag on my cheek. My shirt was on backwards! I couldn’t help but laugh because that is totally something you would have done! Thank God for the little laugh just as I was starting to lose it :)

I have a lot of regrets. A lot of things I wish I could say, or things I wish I could do differently. I know there is no use in feeling that way, because I cant change it now, but it has made me think a lot about what I CAN change with those who are still here with us on earth…how I can treat them differently, how I can make them feel special, how I can accept their crazy and silly quirks and not be so annoyed by simple things. I need to tell those I love, just how much I love them, more often. I need to make phone calls so people know I am thinking about them. I need to give kisses and hugs more. And I need to include people more in our daily life even if I don’t always think they are deserving. I am so so so sad that you are gone, but I am thankful that I have been given the opportunity to open my eyes up to some things I can change. I don’t want to take advantage of one more person in my life. I hope you know I always loved you, and that I valued you as my grandma.


I just wish I could make one more phone call to you. To say I love you, to tell you about Bax and how much he’s grown, and about my weight loss, and to hear all about the old people gossip and the prayer group you’ve been holding in your home. Mom has given each of us a few small things to have in our house so we can think of you. They aren’t really sentimental things, but things that I use almost daily and just bring a smile to my face when thinking of you. When I pour my morning coffee from my new coffee center…when I flip eggs with the spatula from your house (you never told me you were using Orgreenic kitchen utensils! We could have totally had a convo about that)….or when I light the candle on my dresser that sits on a crotched doily that came from Granny, to you, to me. You are in the little things and that makes me smile. I love you…always have and always will…and I miss you. xoxo