On my Knees

Stress and hormones just don’t go together. I can’t stop the tears from coming today and I am watching the clock waiting for the time when I can go home and let them fall freely. How come the “happy times” of our lives just can’t be the happy times? How come they so often come with stress, fear, tears, anxiety? I am weary. I am tired. I’d say I’m at my witts end but I’ve learned there are always more witts! Why can’t life just be easy? Why can’t my hubby just love his job, still be in flight school, by now he’d be an instructor, and he’d be making a decent amount of money, and I could probably stay at home when Baxton makes his big arrival. Why Why Why? I find myself asking God that question a lot lately. Why? I have yet to get an answer from him. I keep going back to Eph 6:13. “Having done all to do but stand, stand.” Standing. That’s what I’m trying to do. But when you are tired and weary, sometimes it feels like your knees are going to buckle and you’ll end up on, well, your knees. And then I remember Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”. Maybe my knees are the best place to be right now. Actually, I’m beginning to believe it’s the only place to be. Because I can’t do it on my own, and it’s out of my control anyway.
I think I’ll go home tonight, turn my worship music on, spend some time talking to God, wash baby clothes and smell them as I fold each item, and dream of holding my baby in my arms and seeing God’s provision for me through everything. I might read old blogs to remind myself of the things He’s always promised, and I think I’ll spend some time on my knees. Right now I think that’s only place I need to be.