Something is going on inside of me. Its something I cant explain. I have been dreaming, and thinking, and wishing and praying for something for so long. And the other day, it was like my desire for that thing just went away. I dont even know how I feel about this. There is a part of me that wants to keep holding on, simply because I have wanted it for so long that I dont even know how it will feel not wanting it. I've been talking to God alot, telling Him He can do what He wants in this area of my life. He hasnt been saying a whole lot, but I've got an inkling that He is the one who took that desire away from me. I'm scared, I have to admit. Bobby's dream was just recently pulled out from under him so quickly, and now, if I let go of my dream, what do I have? Will we be two dreamless beings who have no clue where they're going in life? Part of me is so scared, so afraid to completly let go and let God do what He wants in our lives. Will He give us new dreams? Will He work everything out in the way I want it worked out? Ouch, that is such a dangerous question. How many times does God work things out in our favor, but it wasnt the way we thought He'd work them out, so we write it off as not worked out at all?
I guess the bigger questions is....Do I trust Him enough to let Him have control, no matter what that means? Can I give up my dream, can I give up the dream my husband has held, and can I say God, have your way?
This post is for noone but myself. I'm pretty sure half of it doesnt even make sense, but I had to get my thoughts written out.