Healing Tears

Today is the Harris family reunion. I told myself, two months ago, that when this day came, if my Grandpa was there, I was going to forgive him. I dont know if I have made it to that point yet. My mom keeps saying we have to forgive, but I dont see how that is possible. The man who thinks my husbands color is reason enough to hate him....the man who told my dad he didnt know how to raise us if I thought this was okay....the man who hasnt called in 7 years. I just dont see how its possible. Good news, he isnt going to be there, so I wont have to think of something to say to him if he tries to say hello. What I do have to do is resolve in my heart that I will forgive him, no matter what, no matter how much he has hurt my family.

My dad has been excited for months awaiting this family reunion. Seems just a year ago he really had no family, now they are popping out of the woodwork. Dad has been preparing and calling family and loading up a trailer full of tables and chairs. Mom has been cooking a hundred side dishes when we were only asked to bring one. I'm sitting here right now, for some reason overwhelmed, thinking about how amazing my parents are. How my mom has managed to forgive the man who hurt my dad so badly, but me, I am still mad at him. Seven. Year. Later.

I gave Bobby an out, I told him he didnt have to come. I told him there are going to be prejudice people there and I wouldnt want to feel the way he will have to feel, so he can stay home or play golf or do whatever he wants, but he doesnt have to come. The amazing thing is, he's coming. And last night, he even offered to go early with my dad. This morning, when he was getting ready, I was sitting there watching him, and I fell in love with him all over again. I told him how amazing I thought he was for even going at all, much less going early. Today, he is my hero.

So, I'm wiping these tears off my face that seem to have come out of nowhere, and I'm going to this reunion, and I'm going to forgive. Yes, it might be seven years later, but me not forgiving is only hurting me. But before I forgive, I have one more thing to say.....

Grandpa, you dont know what you're missing. Bobby is pretty darn awesome. These three granddaughters you dont know anymore, we are grown women who love the Lord and have been raised with integrity and morals and we have great jobs and stability. That daughter in law you havent seen in years, she is beautiful and amazing and sweet and us three girls are her best friends. And that son you dont know anymore, he is loving and kind and loves his family with his whole heart. He is reaching nations everyday and loving every individual he is given the chance to love. And me, I'm learning how to forgive, as we speak. And the tears running down my face, they are bringing healing. I forgive you.