The below blog is a blog I posted on myspace just a little over a year ago. Tomorrow it will be exactly one year since Bobby and I purchased our house. I was reading the blog last night, and remembering what a miracle of God it was that we were able to get that house. I was amazed all over again at how perfectly things went for us. I say it over and over again in that blog "Why am I so blessed". I still feel that way. Sometimes, I think I'm His favorite.
I was remembering when I was reading that blog, what a test of my faith it was through the weeks leading up to our closing. I actually feel like God tested my faith to make me PROVE that I believed, to make me SHOW that I can sacrifice, and allow me to SEE what it's like to completly and totally give it to Him. I think I need a constant reminder that His plans are the plans that are perfect my life, not my own plans. I try to take things into my own hands and imagine how I can make it all play out perfectly. But, I always fail.
When I'm driving home at night sometimes, I often wonder what the lives are like of the people who live in my subdivision. Sometimes I can see families sitting down to dinner, other times I see people working in their yard. I always wonder "what's their story?".
If you were a stranger, driving by our house on any given night, you wouldnt see much. You might see bushes that need trimmed, a lawn that needs mowed, a patio that needs to be picked up, a roof that could use some repairs. What you don't see is the miracle of God that we own that house...what you dont know is that the lawn isnt mowed and the bushes arent trimmed because my husband barely has time to get 5 hours of sleep in at night because his plate is too full. What you dont know is that there is a couple living in that house that is madly in love, that has fought for their marriage, a wife that has put her dreams on hold while she cheers her husbands dreams on, a husband who walks in with a smile on his face every day because he is doing what he always wanted to do...fly. You dont see the friendships that have grown stronger on that patio over bbq and bonfires. You dont see the Bible study going on in the living room, and you surely dont see the blessing that is upon our lives.
And, I'm okay with that, because this is OUR story, and its just starting to get good :)
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Sitting here
I'm sitting here this morning, amongst the chaos that comes with moving....there are boxes all over my apartment, bags of trash and bags of stuff to give away....there is no order. I am stressed by how quickly things are moving and how much there is too do, and I can hardly wait to shower and get out of this mess and to work, but in the back of my head, all I can keep asking myself is "How did I get here". "Why am I so blessed". For the past week, my phone has rang and beeped with calls and text messages of people offering to help pack, move, paint, or clean. People have been calling or writing to tell me how happy they are, how proud they are, and how much I deserve it. But then again I wonder, how did I get here. Why, 3 weeks ago, did God speak to my husband and tell him this was our house. Why has God allowed everything to work in my favor? From getting a loan to finding the perfect people to live in my apartment, everything has worked in our favor. As my dad said "It is nothing short of a miracle that everything has worked out as well as it has". And again, I wonder, how did I get here? Why am I so blessed? What have I done to deserve this? My life has changed incredibly in the past year. I'm not sure I would even recognize who I was a year ago. A smiley newlywed who wondered why marriage was so rough....a laughing girl having a drink wondering why she never felt like going out....a woman who heard God speaking to her in ways she never imagined. I knew the time to change had come. I've cried many tears over the last year, as I navigated my way through change and sorrow and the pain of losing friends who I didnt think understood. But the rewards of following the one I know is my Leader, my guide, the one who has become my everything, has brought a smile through those tears. Living with a man who knows me in and out, a man who puts up with my messy house in the middle of a move and doesnt complain, a man who I feel I rarely see between his school and work, and knowing that we have both put our hearts and souls into making this marriage work and not only work but to be happy in it, it too has its great rewards. But again, I sit here and wonder...what did I do to deserve this? How did I get here? I'm not sure I'll ever know the answer, but for now, I'll be happy with not knowing. I"ll be happy with knowing that while I did NOTHING to deserve this, it's still happening. And that is why I know that God's plans our greater than my own. Isaiah 55:9 "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts"
Sitting here
I'm sitting here this morning, amongst the chaos that comes with moving....there are boxes all over my apartment, bags of trash and bags of stuff to give away....there is no order. I am stressed by how quickly things are moving and how much there is too do, and I can hardly wait to shower and get out of this mess and to work, but in the back of my head, all I can keep asking myself is "How did I get here". "Why am I so blessed". For the past week, my phone has rang and beeped with calls and text messages of people offering to help pack, move, paint, or clean. People have been calling or writing to tell me how happy they are, how proud they are, and how much I deserve it. But then again I wonder, how did I get here. Why, 3 weeks ago, did God speak to my husband and tell him this was our house. Why has God allowed everything to work in my favor? From getting a loan to finding the perfect people to live in my apartment, everything has worked in our favor. As my dad said "It is nothing short of a miracle that everything has worked out as well as it has". And again, I wonder, how did I get here? Why am I so blessed? What have I done to deserve this? My life has changed incredibly in the past year. I'm not sure I would even recognize who I was a year ago. A smiley newlywed who wondered why marriage was so rough....a laughing girl having a drink wondering why she never felt like going out....a woman who heard God speaking to her in ways she never imagined. I knew the time to change had come. I've cried many tears over the last year, as I navigated my way through change and sorrow and the pain of losing friends who I didnt think understood. But the rewards of following the one I know is my Leader, my guide, the one who has become my everything, has brought a smile through those tears. Living with a man who knows me in and out, a man who puts up with my messy house in the middle of a move and doesnt complain, a man who I feel I rarely see between his school and work, and knowing that we have both put our hearts and souls into making this marriage work and not only work but to be happy in it, it too has its great rewards. But again, I sit here and wonder...what did I do to deserve this? How did I get here? I'm not sure I'll ever know the answer, but for now, I'll be happy with not knowing. I"ll be happy with knowing that while I did NOTHING to deserve this, it's still happening. And that is why I know that God's plans our greater than my own. Isaiah 55:9 "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts"
1 comment:
I LOVE this, Jacque. You really are a different person than you were a year ago; you've grown so much and learned to trust in and rely on the One who makes it all happen. Isn't it fun to look back and see how far we've come?! Love ya, girl.
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